I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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