hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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