I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
