i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
