I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Randomize
