I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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