Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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