so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
