Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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