I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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