why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
