I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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