Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
