Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
