break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
