I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
