I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
she peed on how many people?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
