Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize