Can Purell be used as lube?
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
