So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
