His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Who died my cat blue again?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
