what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
