I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
