don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
