Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
either way he was missing a nipple.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
