there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
