you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
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