that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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