Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize