I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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