Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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