1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
