i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
