I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Terrible idea I love it
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
