New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
