Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
