And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
