mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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