either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
There r osticjed everywhere
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
