EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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