i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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