How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
