They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
