I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize