Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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