dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
