i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize