thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
