it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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