whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
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