Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
