The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
