Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
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