dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize