I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
