I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
