maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
