Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Randomize
