I want to have your abortion
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
