physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Randomize
