Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
be right there i have to get my cape
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
