The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
