I can text with my tongue
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Randomize
