Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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