Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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