Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
