I'm going to rape someone's good day.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
