There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
