You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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