there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
