Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
