I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
