all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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