I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
