why didn't you poke me back
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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