I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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