his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
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