my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize