He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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