It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Drunk is not a location!
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
