Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
