I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
