super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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