D3 body, D1 cock
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
