No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Randomize
