I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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