Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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