We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize