So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
