The brown eye won't let me do that either.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize