dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
