You're so nebulous sometimes
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
