Hey man sorry I got all grabby
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
