Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
