i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize